So, how do you do it right?
1. Try International Dating Sites
That’s the main thing you need to understand: if you’re really into the idea of falling in love with someone from another country, you need to go online.
I love traveling. I’ve visited 25 countries in the 2020s, and I suffer from that “travel itch” when I spend more than two months in France. But still, online dating is better. With sites like SofiaDate, SakuraDate, and LatiDate, you just make a few clicks and join the world of girls searching for a foreign man—it’s literally the best dating pool you could find.
You don’t have to approach them on the streets; you don’t have to guess if they’re single; you don’t have to rely on luck and hope they speak English—with international dating websites, all these things should not scare you. The girls on these sites speak English, they are single, and they’re open to dating a foreigner, so the chances of success there are much higher than with offline dating.
But all this is true only if it’s a legit, real, and trustworthy dating website, of course. You can do your own research, but if you don’t want to waste time and money testing all those platforms, just remember these three names—I can guarantee that these sites are legit and real.
- SofiaDate (for Slavic girls)
- SakuraDate (for Asians, obviously)
- LatiDate (for Latinas)
2. Respect and embrace differences
When I see questions like “How to date someone in another country?” it’s always the cultural differences that come to mind first. What you need to do before meeting someone online from a different country is learn about the cultural differences, especially the ones regarding dating etiquette. It would be perfect if you also learned at least some of your potential girlfriend’s language and maybe chat with locals to get more useful insights into their culture.
But don’t get me wrong, you don’t need to mimic them. When American tourists come to Paris and pretend they’re French, we spot them before they even say “désolé.” You don’t need to copy locals when you’re in another country—first of all, it looks weird, and second, they’ll still tell you’re from another country very fast.
What I’m trying to say here is that it’s ok to be different: you need to respect those differences, and you must respect the rules of the game in the girl’s country in order to succeed. Like, if you’re in Sweden, do not approach single ladies in cafes or shops—it’s their private life and they will be offended.
In Japan and Korea, they have a lot of couple celebrations aside from Valentine’s Day (and you’ll need to buy small gifts to celebrate). In Indonesia, hugging your gf or kissing her in public will be considered inappropriate PDA, and your partner will 100% be upset about it.
You’ve got the idea. Some of these things must be respected if you want to succeed. Some of them are just too important, and ignoring them can and probably will lead to serious problems.
But don’t be afraid of those differences, please—these women are from the same planet as you, they want the same thing, and they are not as different from the ladies you’ve dated before. Yes, unlike Americans, Europeans do not throw “How are you?” so casually, and European women are typically not as talkative and outgoing, especially at the beginning of a relationship.
Asians are generally calmer and slightly more, shy and they don’t hug or kiss in public. Hispanic women are more open and emotional, and therefore much more approachable, which, of course, leads to certain differences in the process of dating. But in the end, they all want the same things: a man who would treat them with respect, a man who would not abuse them, and a man who could protect them and support them.
3. Learning the language is a must
Another thing I often think about when people ask me questions about dating abroad is the language barrier.
I once had a Romanian girlfriend, Laura, who was a French teacher in middle school in Cluj, a city in Transylvania (I visited the region in 2017 after rewatching Bram Stoker’s Dracula). Like many South Europeans, she was fierce and jealous, and it would be impossible for us to deal with fights if not for her perfect (well, almost perfect) French. What she lacked in calmness and shyness, she gained in French, so for me, overcoming problems was as simple as with any French girl from Marseille or Bordeaux. If she hadn’t studied French in her 20s so thoroughly, we would have never solved our relationship problems.
And then, in 2019, there was another girl, a 20-year-old student from the Philippines—very calm, very respectful, never said a word against me—but her English was A2 at best, my Tagalog was even worse, and her French skills were literally non-existent. It didn’t work out, obviously, and it doesn’t even matter that her personality was so nice and perfect for a relationship.
You can see what I’m leading to, right?
The bigger the language barrier is, the higher the chances that it will not work out.
It’s not guaranteed that it 100% will work out if there’s no language barrier, but the better you understand each other, the higher the chances to succeed. If you’re still wondering how to meet someone from another country, remember one thing: honest and direct communication is incredibly important, and to make your communication as direct as possible, you’ll need to learn her language, too.
4. You’ll need to travel to her country
Again, I’m from France, and I adore traveling, so it wasn’t a problem for me. It may, however, be a problem for you.
The fact I’m from France helps because not everyone needs a visa to enter my country. I traveled to my gf in Brazil visa-free, and she entered France visa-free. I traveled to Japan without a visa, and my Japanese friend, Aina, came to Paris without it (it turns out le syndrome de Paris is a real thing, by the way).
But as I’ve said, for you, it might be different, especially if you’re from the United States.
The good news is that your gf can enter the US without a visa, too—but only if she is from a Visa Waiver Program member country (Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Israel, and some other countries). But the truth is, in the majority of cases, it’s not about these countries—Americans are more interested in women from Southeast Asia, Latin America, and Eastern Europe (and I fully understand them).
Your girlfriend from a non-Visa Waiver Program member country will need a tourist visa to enter the US. Getting the visa is time-consuming (21 working days), not free ($185), and it can result in rejection even if there’s no fraud involved.
Was this boring to read? Well, waiting for the visa approval is much more boring. But why wait when you can hop on a plane and meet your girlfriend in her country in a few hours? It’s also cheaper—you’ll need to pay for a round-trip flight anyway, but spending a week or two in Latin America or Southeast Asia is definitely cheaper than spending this time in the US.
I mean, once, I lived in Vietnam for seven days and had three dates—that trip cost me $300 or $400, including the hotel room and taxi. Not the best experience in my life, but one of the best ones in terms of saving money.
5. Building a long-distance relationship is difficult
But possible. You see, when people ask how to date someone from another country, they usually hear answers about language, cultural differences, and all those things that are only specific to international dating. But in reality, the main problem when you date someone from another country is the distance between you.
It’s much harder to build a relationship and maintain it if your girlfriend is 10,000 miles away. And it’s not just about the distance, it’s also about the frequency of your meetings. Most Americans can’t afford to visit another country every month, so you will most likely have dates every 3-4 months at best.
Which can be hard, let’s be honest. It’s things like constant communication, prioritizing her in your schedule, honest and open communication, discussing plans for the future, and establishing boundaries that are incredibly important, but it’s not only about them.
My personal advice here is to utilize modern technology. Dating websites today are much more advanced than 20 or even 10 years ago. With video calls, voice calls, gift delivery, and other premium features, building a happy relationship is possible, even if you live in different countries.
6. Less important things are actually important, too
What are “less important” things when it comes to dating someone in another country?
Well, for example, time zone differences. When it’s 1 pm in New York, it’s 1 am in Manila, which can make communication pretty difficult. But it’s totally possible to deal with it. If you both want to find a way, you’ll find it,—even though it’s difficult, it’s definitely not the biggest problem.
Or the importance of meeting her family, for example. In your country, you may date a girl for years, and her parents won’t even know your name. Dating someone from another country is different: in most cases, they’ll want you to meet their parents after your first five dates, which can be very surprising, to say the least.
Or the concept of group dating. In Japan, for example, it’s extremely popular, and if you live there for a while and participate in social activities actively, you’ll sooner or later be invited to a gokon—a date between 2 groups of 3-4 people.
Or the thing they want to sell you as group dating. In Southeast Asia, for example, this concept is not common at all. If a girl you’ve met online brings one or two friends on a date, it doesn’t mean you’re going to have a fun night, and it doesn’t even mean that said girl is friendly or sympathetic to you. In the absolute majority of cases, if they come as a group, they’ll just eat, drink, let you pay, and leave as a group. Just don’t ask me how I know so much about this (I’ll never forget that huge bill in Li Li restaurant in Manila).
Dating someone who lives in another country is like a trip to the Grand Canyon. Seriously.
You know, even with all the potential drawbacks, dating someone from a different country is still such a great idea! I actually even believe it’s one of those bucket list things everyone should try, like bungee jumping, learning a new language, or renting a convertible and driving around the Grand Canyon. It’s difficult, yes, it’s not always moonlight and roses, and some effort is required, but if you do everything right, you’ll never regret it.
Written byPhilippe Berry, Contributing Editor
I'm going to tell you everything I know, mes amis. We'll spot online dating charlatans, test the dating sites together, and, of course, with me, you'll learn everything about traveling—I have had 33 trips since 2009, and I think traveling is the best part of online dating. I'll tell you how to save money, how to enjoy a trip, and how to have a good date in a foreign country. I know something about that, too!
Edited byJohn Millerstone, Author
We decided to create this project because we’re tired of the situation in the industry. 10 years ago, there were like 40% good sites and 60% bad ones. Today, the ratio is more like 10% to 90%, and that’s not how I want it to be. I mean, it kills me that when an American man types “mail order brides” on Google, there is a 90% possibility that he won’t even find a good dating site, let alone find a bride. I want to change that.
