They are international dating sites that work like other dating sites where you can chat with ladies, and if you have a mutual interest in each other, you can arrange a real-life meeting. Today, mail-order brides are not forced to do it; their goal is to find a foreign partner for a real relationship.
Here, we’re going to cover this topic in more detail, and if you have no time to read all this text, here’s a short TL;DR for you.
Key differences: Mail order spouse vs Human trafficking
So, according to the UN’s Palermo Protocol, human trafficking is the recruitment, transportation, or obtaining of a person by force, fraud, or coercion for the purpose of sexual exploitation, involuntary servitude, slavery, or other types of exploitation.
See, there are three main factors—three pillars of human trafficking:
- A person is involved in this by force or deception
- A person is transferred to whoever obtained them
- A person is transferred for exploitation, slavery, or other similar actions
Does your online dating on Tinder or Badoo look like any of these? We believe it doesn’t (if it does, you probably have some problems).
Why did we mention Tinder? Because, well, the modern mail order bride industry is basically online dating. The mail order bride sites look slightly different, and they offer different features, but their main concept is always the same: these websites connect American men who want to find foreign wives with foreign women who think that American men make better husbands.
Various factors drive these women: some believe that Americans are more romantic and caring, some think that they can build a better life in a better country, some just love Western men, etc. Let’s be honest: some of them are gold-diggers—there are only a few of them, yes, but we can’t close our eyes and pretend that gold-diggers are not a thing.
What we want to say here is that all these ladies, both those driven by romantic stereotypes and those who are more materialistic, made their own decision to become mail order brides. So, they are definitely not involved in this business by force or deception.
Then, it’s about transferring the person for the purpose of exploitation. A victim of human trafficking is transported to the “buyer,” where they are exploited sexually, enslaved, etc.
On the other hand, when you chat with a mail order bride, meet her, and propose to her, this is as far from human trafficking as possible. After the proposal, you’ll apply for a K-1 visa for your bride, she’ll attend the visa interview at the embassy, and if the USCIS officers are sure your relationship is real, she’ll be able to enter the US where you’ll marry her. Mail order brides are not being transferred to their husbands.
The same is true for sexual exploitation. You meet a lady online, then you meet her in person, and if there’s a spark, your date might end up in bed. If there’s no spark, cultural barriers for it, or she doesn’t like you, your date will not end up in bed. That’s how dating works, and that’s how dating mail order brides work, too. So, once again, this has nothing to do with sexual exploitation.
We don’t even know how to compare it to mail order brides, to be honest.
Yes, we know that the mail order bride industry is sometimes called shady and barely legal. But it’s not about human trafficking—it’s about scammers. Unfortunately, there are many scam websites where both men and women lose their money, that’s the main problem with this business.
However, we can picture the human traffickers disguising themselves as people who have a mail order bride website. This is totally possible. The main question here is… Why would they do it?
The thing is, people who want a mail order bride are not their target audience. People who want a mail order bride do not want an illegal mail order prostitute or a sex slave delivered to their doorstep. What they want is a romantic relationship with someone from another country, someone with serious intentions and a genuine will to find a partner. That’s why they use mail order bride websites: because women there have genuine intentions.
Here’s a table where we compare mail order bride industry and human trafficking by the 3 main characteristics of the latter, defined by the United Nations.
| “Mail Order Bride” Industry | Human Trafficking |
| Mail order brides create accounts on dating sites at their will; typically, they think that Western men make better husbands than their local men (which is not far from the truth) | A victim is forced or deceived into doing certain things |
| Mail order brides are not “transferred”—they get K-1 visas, enter the US, and get married there lawfully and legally | A victim is recruited, transported/transferred to the “buyer” |
| Mail order brides sign up on dating websites to find a partner, build a romantic relationship, and move to their partner’s country | The purpose of human trafficking can be sexual exploitation, slavery, prostitution, forced labor, removal of organs, etc. |
How does the “mail order bride” industry work?
The good news is that although some people consider this industry “shady,” it’s thriving—so let’s talk about it.
How did it start?
It all started several hundred years ago. In 1620, the first British mail brides recruited by the Virginia Company were transported to the Jamestown colony. You see, even 400 years ago, this still couldn’t be considered human trafficking because these women agreed to move there of their own will and because they were free to marry whomever they chose!
Anyway, that’s when the concept of mail order brides was created, but this was only the beginning of a long story.
There were mail order brides in France and Portugal in the 17th and 18th centuries, and in the 19th century, the world saw the first Asian mail order brides who moved to America, where there were thousands of Asian workers. Then the California gold rush happened, and hundreds of women moved to the area to get married to the workers. In the 20th century, there were thousands of mail order brides from Asia and Europe whose main goal was to escape war-torn regions or poverty, which is still a major reason for foreign women to become mail order brides, unfortunately.
How is it going nowadays?
Nowadays, the concept is pretty similar: if you want to get a mail order spouse, you can choose among thousands of the ladies from the catalog.
However, there are also differences. Thus, today, only a few websites don’t allow their users to have a conversation—mostly, “bride agencies” make money from arranging “bride trips,” but these agencies are receding into the past very quickly.
As we already mentioned, mail order brides business is actually online dating today. The process is, in fact, online dating:
- You create a profile on a dating site
- You search for the ladies you like
- You chat with them
- You arrange a date
- If everything is great, you start dating or propose to her
Yes, these women have more serious intentions than those interested in “dating” instead of “marriage,” and your chances of finding a wife on such websites are pretty high. Still, the process is similar to dating someone from your city on Tinder or Badoo.
What laws affect mail order marriages?
Mail order bride abuse is a serious problem in the US. It’s not as serious as in South Korea, for example, where abuse and control were industry standards in the mail order bride industry a decade ago, but still, it’s serious. Why?
Well, because some men are disgusting, that’s why. For some men, having a woman in their house who’s temporarily dependent on them means the green light to physical and sexual abuse. Unfortunately, that’s how it works for some.
Another problem here is that mail order brides are often not aware of their rights, and they are often afraid of deportation—and by not telling them about their rights or scaring them, abusive husbands do their part, too.
So, the main problems for these women are:
- Mail order brides don’t know their rights
- Mail order brides suffer harassment, threats, and abuse because they believe they will be deported if they go to police
- Mail order brides don’t know the background of their husbands, including criminal background
To counter and solve these problems, two acts were introduced in the US: VAWA and IMBRA.
- VAWA, the Violence Against Women Act of 1994, ensures that a person who’s in the process of getting a marriage green card can get that green card without the participation of a partner. In short, this act solves problem #2 from the previous list: if a mail order bride suffers from abuse, she can report it without being deported.
- IMBRA, the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act of 2005, solves Problem #1 and Problem #3 by providing information to mail order brides. Under this act, all mail order brides are provided with information about their legal rights, but that’s not all—it’s also about sharing the criminal background of their partners. IMBRA also regulates marriage brokers, but most international dating sites do not fall under this definition today.
Conclusion: Why mail order brides aren’t human trafficking
So, once again: are mail order spouse human trafficking?
The answer is no. You can legally date a mail order spouse online and offline, bring her to the US, and marry her—but only if you get her consent and your relationship is 100% real and genuine. In fact, this has as much to do with human trafficking as dating someone from your city online or offline!
It’s a short guide, and we just couldn’t tell you everything you need to know about the mail order bride industry here. If you want to know more about how this industry works or about the legality of mail-order brides, read our guides—we cover these topics in much more detail there.
Written byJohn Millerstone, Author
We decided to create this project because we’re tired of the situation in the industry. 10 years ago, there were like 40% good sites and 60% bad ones. Today, the ratio is more like 10% to 90%, and that’s not how I want it to be. I mean, it kills me that when an American man types “mail order brides” on Google, there is a 90% possibility that he won’t even find a good dating site, let alone find a bride. I want to change that.
Edited byMargarita Zhigalova, Contributing Editor
Two friends of mine wanted to find a husband abroad. They were scammed, lost money, and never got back to that idea. That’s just not right; the situation with these sites needs to change. I believe that we can change that together, and I’m sure that we can help more people find love abroad, exactly like I did!
