Are mail order brides real?
Yes, mail order brides are real.
They helped build (to some degree) and shape America since the 17th century. The Virginia Company imported English women to the Jamestown colony. Without a quick influx of women to encourage men to settle, the colony would have been abandoned. The company promised women a generous dowry along with a plot of land, while men found wives to support households and continue family lines.
The “mail order bride” concept only exploded in the 19th century, when colonists moved West en masse. Once again, the male-dominated settlements severely lacked women. That’s when the first newspaper ads for mail order brides appeared. The couples got to know each other via mail, and courtships could last several years before marriage.
For example, Sara Baines from Louisiana traveled 1,500 miles to Wyoming to meet her future husband, Jay Hemsley to get married within four hours of meeting each other. Foreign mail order brides, especially from England and France, were equally popular in the second half of the 1800s. Japanese and Vietnamese brides peaked in popularity at the turn of the century.
Modern-day mail order brides are less about populating the US and more about finding partners with matching values. It isn’t much different from real-life Bachelorette, with foreign girls competing for American guys’ attention in hopes of landing a good match.
Are mail order brides still a thing?
Dating sites and apps have replaced newspaper ads, telegraph, and mail pigeons, making long-distance relationships more sustainable in the long run. Here’s a brief glimpse of what the mail order dating landscape looks like in 2024:
- Gen Z is driving international dating as the most tolerant and open-minded generation. 45% of Gen Z daters are now more open to dating across borders than five years ago.
- Cultural sensitivity (83%) and shared English fluency (74%) are critical factors for international daters looking for serious relationships.
- Dating platforms facilitate long-distance relationships through video calls, which around 30% of daters prefer to use even when dating locally before meeting in person.
- Much like mainstream dating apps, mail-order dating services usually have a high number of male profiles, though the competition isn’t as stiff as it is on Hinge or Bumble.
As globalization rises and we become more accepting of others, mail order brides will likely become even more prominent, even if they lose the dated label and adopt a new one with fewer negative connotations.
By the way, there’s no exchange of women (or sexual services) for money, so mail order brides are perfectly legal.
Do mail order marriages still exist?
Admittedly, there isn’t much research into mail order marriages and their success rate. Still, we can assume at least a portion of international marriages in any country are the result of a previous long-distance relationship.
So, are mail order brides a thing, and how popular are they? Here are some hard facts to put things into perspective:
- Most European countries saw an increase in mixed marriages in the 2000s and 2010s, and the trend persists.
- Intermarriage is also on the rise in the US, where 17% of newlywed couples are of mixed race or ethnicity.
- Mail order marriages are more successful, as the divorce rate (between 35.8% and 41.3%) is lower than the US average of 48%.
- In 2023, 19,825 women received K-1 fiance visas in hopes of marrying their American grooms within 90 days of entering the States.
- The UK issued 81,203 family-related visas in 2023, a 72% increase compared to 2022.
- Australia also offers a prospective marriage visa for foreigners who wish to enter the country and marry Australian citizens.
Overall, mail order brides are as legal as international marriage in most countries, with a few notable exceptions. For example, the Philippines doesn’t have to wonder, “Do mail order brides exist?”. The Republic Act No 10906 prohibits mail order bride services, though international dating remains legal. At the same time, Afghanistan (along with other Muslim states) outlaws local women’s marriage to non-Muslim foreigners.
Marrying a mail order bride: Your reality check(list)
Hopefully, we’ve managed to convince you that the answer to “Are mail order spouses real?” is a resounding “Yes!”. But with real wives come real issues, which can lead to unpleasant surprises if you aren’t ready to deal with them. After researching dozens of stories online, we’ve identified five potential roadblocks.
1. Getting through the immigration red tape can take years
Although on paper, getting your future wife to the States looks easy enough, the bureaucratic process is intense and drawn-out. Your bride can’t apply for a K-1 fiance visa willy-nilly. First, you’ll need to file a petition for an alien fiance and prove your relationship is real and you have enough money to support your future spouse. Petition processing can take a few months.
If your petition is approved, your bride can file form DS-160 and prepare for an interview at a local embassy or consulate. She may also need to undergo a medical exam and get vaccinations. This stage of the immigration process will also take a few months. Once your bride receives her K-1 visa, she can plan her relocation to the US and plan a wedding you must hold no later than 90 days after her entry to the States.
In some cases, getting a foreign bride to the US takes over 12 months, even if all the paperwork is in order. So don’t expect to reunite with your future wife quickly, and set up a plan to keep your relationship going in the interim.
2. International dating and marriage aren’t cheap
If the cost per date (around $68 for men) is too much for you in 2024, finding a foreign bride can put an even bigger strain on your budget. The expenses start adding up from the moment you sign up for a dating site, which will require $100 monthly if you’re careful with your spending. Visiting your bride in her homeland will likely eat up your vacation spending, and all the immigration paperwork will add at least $2,500 to the bottom line.
Once your bride joins you in the US, you can significantly cut down on expenses, especially if you go with a courthouse or city hall ceremony without inviting 100+ guests. Still, you’ll likely need to support your new wife during the first few months of her stay until she can get her adjustment of status paperwork and employment permit in order. Beyond that, if she finds a suitable position, she can contribute to the family budget, so your common savings will likely go up. Still, you should be patient and help your wife adjust until she starts contributing to the household.
3. The smallest cultural differences affect your daily life
Even the smallest things can disrupt your daily routines in a multicultural household. For instance, if you choose a deeply religious lady, she may request you to join her at the Sunday morning sermon instead of a lazy lie-in. Things can get even more confusing if you marry a Muslim or Jewish girl, as their religious beliefs often translate into culinary limitations and unusual recipes.
On the bright side, home-cooked meals are much more common across the globe than the ubiquitous takeout that’s taken over the US. So whether you marry a Filipina or a Slavic girl, you’ll likely discover more than you ever wanted about ethnic cuisines.
Some tiny daily habits are easier to get used to than others. For instance, leaving outdoor shoes at the front door is common in Asia and Eastern Europe, which won’t disrupt your life much. On the other hand, casual hugs and kisses in public, common among Latinas, can be outside your comfort zone.
Living together always puts strain on a relationship, even if you’re dating locally, so try to look for positives instead of negatives. And if any of your bride’s habits get on your last nerve, talk them out honestly instead of bottling up resentment. Get a third opinion or professional help if you can’t find common ground.
4. Communication is critical but complicated by the language barrier
Unfortunately, poor English proficiency can get in the way of our previous recommendation. Thanks to cutting-edge translation technology, it can be hard to tell if your bride-to-be can hold a conversation in English, especially if you mostly text or exchange emails. Of course, if you and your foreign wife can’t understand each other, settling your differences can be nearly impossible.
Luckily, most girls looking to marry abroad have a decent grasp of English. And those who don’t are especially motivated to learn the language fast. Besides, taking classes in the US and being surrounded by native English speakers should accelerate their progress. The only thing in the way of their learning can be a local community of people speaking your bride’s mother tongue. Although you shouldn’t prevent her from forging connections with her countrymen, encourage your wife to speak English with them to promote faster learning. Remind her that she’s unlikely to find a well-paying job without sufficient English knowledge.
5. Your loved ones will question your decision
Unless there are other interracial or international couples in your inner circle, your decision to marry a foreigner will likely face opposition. Be ready to field endless links to horror stories about Slavic gold diggers and Asian sex workers who are only interested in Americans for green cards. Your friends and family will put your relationship under a microscope and question your wife’s every decision and action. You should be prepared to stand your ground and help your wife do the same.
Only the long-term success of your relationship can convince your loved ones to accept your choice. So, instead of fighting them, try slowly introducing activities you can enjoy together to demonstrate how loving and caring your relationship is. It will take time, at least a few months, to change others’ perceptions, so be patient.So, are mail order brides a real thing? They certainly are. They have been around since the early days of American colonization and exploration of the West, and they are here to stay. Like any relationship, a marriage with a foreign lady has its fair share of complications and challenges. Hopefully, our realistic take is enough to prepare you to tackle them head-on and keep your international marriage lasting and strong.
Written byMargarita Zhigalova, Contributing Editor
Two friends of mine wanted to find a husband abroad. They were scammed, lost money, and never got back to that idea. That’s just not right; the situation with these sites needs to change. I believe that we can change that together, and I’m sure that we can help more people find love abroad, exactly like I did!
Edited byPhilippe Berry, Contributing Editor
I'm going to tell you everything I know, mes amis. We'll spot online dating charlatans, test the dating sites together, and, of course, with me, you'll learn everything about traveling—I have had 33 trips since 2009, and I think traveling is the best part of online dating. I'll tell you how to save money, how to enjoy a trip, and how to have a good date in a foreign country. I know something about that, too!
